If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
