I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
