chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
