Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
