If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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