Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
