I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
