I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
