Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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