I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
