Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
