I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
