You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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