yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
