Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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