A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
