when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
