I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
