We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
