dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
