you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
