I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
