You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
