Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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