i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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