you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
