how can u be prego again
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
