Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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