dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
