Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Panties = found
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