I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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