I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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