dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
