check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
