Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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