i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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