benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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