u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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