allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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