ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize