listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
