This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
