..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i was born a porn star she said
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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