So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
