So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
