The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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