The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
