I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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