Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
