Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
