the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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