i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
