What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
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i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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