Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
