i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
