I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My first STD was from a foam party
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
