Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
