I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
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Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
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She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize