I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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