you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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