Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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