You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
