yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
zippers are such a cool invention
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
